Fabulous Andy: Vamos a la Playa

Quebecers love going down south during the winter, especially in a place where no Americans are admitted: CUBA.

Rodzilla, Terrine and many other people, including myself, have been considering going to a cheap resort for a week after our university winter semester. Cuba might be an option, since the Dominican Republic is right next to Haiti's cholera epidemic.

That's too bad; when I went to the Dominican Republic two years ago, I had a blast. Male employees or vendors were constantly asking us to marry them, we could eat like pigs and pina coladas in the morning were quite common. We would wake up to wander on the beach, then go to bed at 3 a.m. after having had one (or two, or three or fifteen) too many cervezas... Priceless!

My best memory, of course, excluding discussing religion with an ex-drug-dealer preacher, is Luìs. He worked at the equipment hanger where he would rent stuff for fat-ass couples who pretend to do some sport together to compensate for their boring sex life. And so my friend and I went the the hanger to get a surfboard, but my good intentions flew away when I heard his raspy Spanish accent. Plus, he had golden eyes.

Who the HELL on Earth has golden eyes? Apparently, he does!

Luìs pretended to be the resort's dance teacher, which I believed. I found that so hot, in fact, that I had my legs spread open the day after... in the hanger. My friends were playing volleyball outside. I didn't want to play anyways, 'cause... I suck (at volleyball, you perverts).

This short adventure ended not long after due to my plane ticket. Of course, some promises were made, he said I was the love of his life and that we should keep contact. Mi amor, mi amor, bla, bla. I knew it was going to happen; therefore, I had prepared myself mentally to smile and tell him it wouldn't work out. I can barely speak Spanish, he could barely speak English. Communicating was an issue!

What do you guys think of girls who actually believe those guys? They may be muy caliente, but taking care of someone who can only sleep, eat and fuck in your homeland is a totally other story. I mean, they can go crazy over let's say fair-skinned women with blue eyes and blonde hair (such as myself), but they will soon realize that there are plenty of them here anyways!

I've heard some really nice stories about women who fell in love on a trip in a poorer country and that are now married and have kids. Things that happen down south must stay down south, in my opinion. Pictures of you drunk and naked in Cuba on Facebook is not an everyday situation, so "falling in love" with somebody you've known for 3 days is certainly not a lifetime option when it comes to paying bills!

Rodzilla: Cut The Shit

Lemme make it clear to you right away, this is and will be my most disgusting article EVER lol!!! I know, I know, you might be scared but hey, it's worth it.

So what I really wanna discuss here is when one is having a lil' problem with his rear end while on a date. What  I mean by this is when you're on a date (or a hook up) and everything is apparently going on just fine when suddenly pop! you feel your stomach gasping and reprimanding you for what you have just eaten. In most cases, we call this gases, in some moderate cases, it can occur as constipation but hey in severe cases, one can experience friggin' DIARRHEA on a date!!!!

That's gross and hell, I know it! I've actually had that issue when I was on a very stressful date three years ago. I had been seduced by an obnoxious, over-the-top diva called Jean-Charles who was everything but pleasant. The dude always called his buddies and well, everybody "Coco" but what was über-irritating was his complete non-sense of saying "Chaboom" to anything cool or nice that you'd say. I could barely stand it!

Anyways, I need to tell y'all that even if I wasn't truly interested about him, I nonetheless felt a lil' something about having been approached by him since he was quite good-looking and had a nice pâté (and a tight ass). Though I never thought even for one second that I could bear being called "Coco" and having to add "Chaboom" to my everyday slang. So as we were on our second shitty date -like, literally- we went shopping and as a cheap bastard than I am, didn't buy anything lol! He or I could almost say she, didn't buy anything either and acted like a Hollywood starlet all the time which made me feel bored and annoyed. As we were about to end our shit, we went to eat lunch at the Food court of a downtown mall. I had tortellini with rosé sauce and ate it faster than when a woman ovulates.

Thereafter, we started chatting about him (of course, in his book, he was so interesting and amazing) which bored the shit out of me and combined with the pastas, tossed the shit out of me. I quickly started having gases and had the worst stomachache ever. I think they'd grade up for a 10 on the Richter scale haha! The worst part of the story is that I think he noticed my internal digestion. In this kind of situation, St-Lawrence would say "cut the crap" as he likes to quote that in order to finish something as quick as possible. But in this case, I really needed to "cut the shit" as I needed to evacuate my guts out. I excused myself, went to the bathroom and shitted for like 45 minutes!!!!!!!! Afterwards, when I came back to the table he said "man that was long"! I lied and said I had gotten lost trying to find the restrooms! Our date ended a few minutes after and we never met together again!

Furthermore, if y'all need to poop on a date, end it up before shitting. Find an excuse to simply withdraw from the date instead of going to the bathroom for hours and coming back to your date with a shitty excuse. You should literally, cut the shit and leave. Especially if you're a gay man or a lesbian since your mate can accompany you to the same bathroom! Plus please, please, pretty PLEASE, don't have sex if you have haemorrhoids or diarrhea; CHILD, THAT'S NASTY!!!

I'll end up in beauty with a lovely picture that I found on the net that best expresses what laxative food and drinks such as Coke can make you experience:

Terrine: Ex-Boyfriends' Jewels?

(Not to get confused... I mean real jewels made of crystal, saphire, gold... Not the family jewels our ex-boyfriends have between their two legs! Understand?!?  :P)

At the weekly breakfast of the crew this morning, Fabulous Andy said she'd like to sell a Swarovski necklace her ex-boyfriend gave her for her birthday last summer.  It made me wonder: is it okay to wear ex-boyfriends' jewels?  (In fact, it's a very actual question for me, as I started to wear one of my ex's jewels again).

I think that right after a break-up, every girl should take all of the jewels a boy gave her, put it in a box in her wardrobe and forget them for the time that the relationship lasted.  For example, I started wearing my ex-boyfriend's jewels back yesterday because we had dated for a year and 3 months and I broke up with him on something like the 15th or 16th August 2009.  So I think that selling jewelry should only be an option for the women who have dated a man for like 25 years...  Otherwise... just wait a little and it's going to be okay!

So Fab... you don't have to sell the necklace. Just put it in a box in your wardrobe and forget it until next year! ;)

What do you think about that rule?

Rodzilla: Butt Camp

Huh lolz I just found this on the web y'all! How funny?! It's called Butt Camp and is presented as "Harder...Longer  and Gayer than Glitter"!!! It's actually not that dumb (you're probably thinking: really?!) since the exercises that they recommand are truthfully good for thy ole butt! Kyle, one of the coaches is quite hot and the cheesy retro softcore porn tone of the vids make me love it even more! That might be a good XXXmas gift!

http://www.buttcampdvd.com/

Trailer:

The "Butt Flex" Workout:

Butt-a-licious!

Rodzilla: Takin' Me Higher

Hey y'all!! Here's sexy aussi Kylie Minogue and Taio Cruz's new duet entitled "Higher"! Gotta love it! Actually the clip is entertaining but I'm not quite sure whether I like the concept; I feel like it doesn't really fit with the song and its vibe. Plus Kylie's smoking hot bod and fashionable facial features are not displayed at their best if you want my opinion. Anyways, it's still worth watching, I mean it's Kylie! :