Terrine: Small Hands, Small **** (Easy To Guess!)

Sometimes, I wonder who invented the rule about the relationship between the size of a man's hands and the size of his dick.  It's quite funny, but it is definitely true.

I've recently been out with this guy who had such small hands, in fact it was like they were kids' hands on the body of a man... creepy I know.

Now, you may wonder, why did I date this man?

That's a very good question that I keep asking to myself.  The good answer is: I just don't know!  I've never really been into him, and that since the beginning, but the guy really wanted me and he was fitting into my schedule... so in the end I said, why not!? (But now I know WHY NOT!)  

Before I dated this guy, I had heard about the size rule, but you know, this is just the kind of rule you don't really trust and see as a myth...  Until you realize the rule isn't a myth. 

So as you've probably guessed right now, the guy had the smallest dick!... and that is not the worst part.

The worst part is that he didn't know how to use it!  Can you imagine?!?  Some girls say: « The size doesn't matter as long as he knows how to use it »... so with him, size mattered, 'cause he didn't know how to use it!

When I realized all of that, I knew it wouldn't last!... A good relationship must be based on pure love and good SEX!  So I decided that I would do what I do best: I acted like there was no problem, gave him a little few tips, and finally left and broke his heart.

But if you're not good at acting and breaking hearts, watch over for the hands... The BIGGER the BETTER!

Rodzilla: Brand New Chocolate Combo

Geez! Take a look at this: our beloved Mariah (we're Miss Carey's Lambs) and Nicki Minaj in a mouth-watering duo! Loves it ;-)

Fabulous Andy: Boys, Boys and Married Men

I’ve just finished Chelsea Handler’s My Horizontal Life and it is HILARIOUS. She is an actress as well as a stand-up comedian who tells us about her funniest one-night stands. She woke up with a naked dwarf in her bed, she slept with an underage guy, she escaped from a sado-maso dude dressed in leather… I swear she’s worse than me!

I cracked up laughing so many times that I intend to steal all the remaining copies at Chapter’s and give them to everyone I see. This vodka-addicted Chelsea is so funny. Please get this book. It is true inspiration and dedication for the love of sex.

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I started university last week. As usual, there is mostly estrogen in my program. I’m guessing there might be one dick to satisfy eight girls. Oh, I forget: half of them are gay, that that would make one dick for sixteen girls. I’m thinking of popping into my friend’s business classes to drool over the men there. A male student in business is a good shot. I mean, he will make quite some money thanks to his capitalist values and he will wear suits. Nice looking guys in nice suits turn me on so bad, even though they’re forty years old!

What do y’all think about having a relationship with an older man? My 17-year-old colleague recently told me about her married ex. Actually, the dude lied to her for over a year, forcing her to leave early in the morning or seeing her at odd hours because he did not want his daughter to be overwhelmed by his “new relationship”. What an asshole! One night, she noticed a women going to his apartment and asked for an explanation, after what he told her he was still married with the mother of his kid. Hopefully, she left him.

Here’s an example from my own experience: I made out with this guy a few times. He’s in a stable relationship – but has an inexistent sex life APPARENTLY – and has two young kids. He had been flirting with me for a few months before I gave in. I do have moral values sometimes and being responsible for the destruction of a relationship is certainly not something I am keen to do. He was driving me crazy as fuck with his sexual allusions, however, so I started thinking: the dude is a full-grown man. He knows exactly what he’s doing, so if he wants to stick his pickle somewhere else, that’s totally up to him and it is therefore his responsibility to cope with the consequences of the pickle-dipping.

Even though our making out in public washrooms was smoking hot, our “thing” was not going anywhere. I wanted sex really bad at that point and he was not giving it to me. “I’m sorry I can’t tonight. It is complicated for me, you know,” he would say. Unfortunately for him, my dildo was getting boring, so I told him our one-night stand would probably never happen anyways and decided to get it going with someone else who would actually give me what I wanted. Too bad, DOUCHEBAG.

Committed men are strange cases. They crave the adrenaline they get from secret relationships, but freak out when the truth might come out and destroy their peaceful family life. Girls – or guys – who are dealing with this must always remember that the dude will never leave his stability. Unfortunately, you will be doomed to stay secret. Even though you give the best blow-jobs, he will always put you second in his priorities, so take advantage of him and turn him down! He’ll be masturbating for the rest of his miserable life, dreaming about all the fun he could’ve had with you.

Cherry: The Last One Popped

Ladies and germs, allow me to introduce myself: Cherry.

Let me start by telling you who I'm not.

Yes, I have only ever had sex with one man ( Cherry Popper), maybe he is my soul mate, and yes, he loves to play with my tits in public.

HOWEVER, I am not "Dreamer".

3 differences between us:

Cherry Popper definitely doesn't cum in 30 seconds.

I am not dumb.

I am actually naturally talented and give a hell of a fucking good blow job, thank you very much.

As you can imagine, monogamy does not an interesting sex blog make. But I'm going to pull a couple of old stories out of my hat for you guys.

And grace you with these lovely stories as a guest from time to time.

For now, I have some advice coming from 2 years of monogamy:

-The right bra will get his attention, a good kiss will get him interested, great sex will make him like you, but a 45 minute blow job: that is love.

-Shove something up his ass. Trust me. He'll love it. This probably doesn't apply for one night stands though. Not that I would know.

Any man that is "too manly" enough for that ain't no man, man.

-You're very naive if you think he'll have sex only in the dark for more then... 2 weeks. He won't give up his porn, and he will stare at the boobs as they walk by. In exchange; you have an excuse to pend 50$ on candles, are still allowed your vibrator, and feel free to stare at other men. Same goes for strip clubs. And anal (see above). Don't deny him freedom, but fair is fair.

That's all for now folks.

Rodzilla, Fabulous Andy and Terrine:

Ladies, start your engines.

Watch out, boys.