I’ve just finished Chelsea Handler’s My Horizontal Life and it is HILARIOUS. She is an actress as well as a stand-up comedian who tells us about her funniest one-night stands. She woke up with a naked dwarf in her bed, she slept with an underage guy, she escaped from a sado-maso dude dressed in leather… I swear she’s worse than me!
I cracked up laughing so many times that I intend to steal all the remaining copies at Chapter’s and give them to everyone I see. This vodka-addicted Chelsea is so funny. Please get this book. It is true inspiration and dedication for the love of sex.
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I started university last week. As usual, there is mostly estrogen in my program. I’m guessing there might be one dick to satisfy eight girls. Oh, I forget: half of them are gay, that that would make one dick for sixteen girls. I’m thinking of popping into my friend’s business classes to drool over the men there. A male student in business is a good shot. I mean, he will make quite some money thanks to his capitalist values and he will wear suits. Nice looking guys in nice suits turn me on so bad, even though they’re forty years old!
What do y’all think about having a relationship with an older man? My 17-year-old colleague recently told me about her married ex. Actually, the dude lied to her for over a year, forcing her to leave early in the morning or seeing her at odd hours because he did not want his daughter to be overwhelmed by his “new relationship”. What an asshole! One night, she noticed a women going to his apartment and asked for an explanation, after what he told her he was still married with the mother of his kid. Hopefully, she left him.
Here’s an example from my own experience: I made out with this guy a few times. He’s in a stable relationship – but has an inexistent sex life APPARENTLY – and has two young kids. He had been flirting with me for a few months before I gave in. I do have moral values sometimes and being responsible for the destruction of a relationship is certainly not something I am keen to do. He was driving me crazy as fuck with his sexual allusions, however, so I started thinking: the dude is a full-grown man. He knows exactly what he’s doing, so if he wants to stick his pickle somewhere else, that’s totally up to him and it is therefore his responsibility to cope with the consequences of the pickle-dipping.
Even though our making out in public washrooms was smoking hot, our “thing” was not going anywhere. I wanted sex really bad at that point and he was not giving it to me. “I’m sorry I can’t tonight. It is complicated for me, you know,” he would say. Unfortunately for him, my dildo was getting boring, so I told him our one-night stand would probably never happen anyways and decided to get it going with someone else who would actually give me what I wanted. Too bad, DOUCHEBAG.
Committed men are strange cases. They crave the adrenaline they get from secret relationships, but freak out when the truth might come out and destroy their peaceful family life. Girls – or guys – who are dealing with this must always remember that the dude will never leave his stability. Unfortunately, you will be doomed to stay secret. Even though you give the best blow-jobs, he will always put you second in his priorities, so take advantage of him and turn him down! He’ll be masturbating for the rest of his miserable life, dreaming about all the fun he could’ve had with you.
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