Rodzilla: So You Think You Can Fuck?

Oh Mijn God!!! Hilarious! So hum... you think you can fuck Matthew Rush, really?!

How hilarious is this shit? This has to be the funniest thing I've cum come up to on the web! It's pretty funny that they turned the very family-targeted show "So You Think You Can Dance" into this whole porn 3D experience with my all-time favourite, Matthew Rush! I have to confess you something here: when I was in secondary 4 (grade 10), I used to fantasize like hell about Matthew Rush! In fact, he was my idol and made me want to do porn lol! I actually had told one of my (only) friends at the time. His name was Zézé and he was such a creep. Anyway, even if Zézé was completely fucked up, he still managed to have more common sense than me regarding Falcon Studios' exclusive jock, Matthew Rush lol! Oh and last but not least, I have to tell you that when I was about to turn 16, my friend Zézé asked me what I wanted as a gift for my birthday and I replied: Matthew Rush's molded cock dildo lol!! He never gave it to me, to my great sadness.

Rodzilla: Swimming Tool

Lemme talk y'all into my new lifestyle: exercising and tonin' my muthafuckin' gaytto body.

That's right, y'all read well, I recently decided I was fed up of looking like a cheap crisp of simili-chicken. It's been years that I'm obsessed about fashion videos with toned and under-fed models rocking the runway. I figured out it was time for me to get a pâté just like them (though I will continue to eat, since bone-skinny men are not that hot).

Okay so having this problem of sweating like a whore in church the moment I wear anything broader than a 1cm² of fabric, I felt like exercising with clothes wasn't my thing. I don't want all my cute white t-shirts to become yellow and smelly, oh HELL NO. So I found out a cheap way (I'm VERY, VERY CHEAP) to do sports, tone and increase my sexiness and thus, my cardio without spending a buck: going to the municipal pool!!! Hurray for me, some dudes look gay and are eatable. I mean you must agree this is a good one:

-I don't have to spend a single buck on anything (it's free with the city pass)

-I get to hunt my next prey and have a preview of what's in it for me

-I get to sweat my life into the too-chlored water
-The only piece of cloth I need to wear is my micro-speedough (a neon-bright Punto Blanco one, bought in Cape Cunt, MA last summer).

So I'll be completely honest with you: it's not that much about doing sports, it's more about living my life as a pervert, showering with other boys and looking goddamn fine!  I highly recommand any lazyass like me to undertake a journey to the nearby swimming pool; it is defenitely worth it. Oh and if the pool has a sauna (or a dark steamed-room), things might get even hotter and wilder. Unlike what RuPaul would tell his Drag Race candidates, always FUCK IT UP!

P.S.: I would like to take this last sentence of my article to make you aknowledge the fact that Terrine hasn't written on the blog since a while, I guess she better keep up (and catch up) if she wants y'all to notice her existence on the blog...!!!

P.S.²: I didn't masturbate in the Stock's bathroom during Fabulous Andy's dirty session trust me; my kidneys were about to release the water blocked by the Hoover Dam!

Fabulous Andy: The Stock's Ugly Stock

Rodzilla, Terrine and I love to hang out in Montreal's Gay Village. Gorgeous guys make out together and they won't have a boner while dancing with you, except in some rare cases...

Wednesday is the ladies' night at the Stock Bar, usually a gay-friendly strip club. Rodzilla and I sat at a table where I drank beer and he drank water. In fact, he recently started drinking in Germany, where we had no choice but to gulp currywursts with Berliner beer. So the show started off well; nice-looking hunks would get undressed and make women scream with their everlasting erections. Some were obviously gay, others we weren't sure of. In any case, they had to strut their stuff in front of men during the rest of the week, so they must have had a certain interest in doing so.

I was a bit broke, so paying for a private dance was out of question. One of the dancers, however, kept poking me when he would pass by our table. I continued to ignore him. At one point, Rodzilla had to pee (or masturbate? I shall never know.), so he left me alone.

The poking dancer came back. I turned around, about to tell him I was not going to pay for a dance, when he asked me, "Is he your boyfriend?". I was shocked, so after blabbering that Rod was gay, he told me how pretty I was.

All I found to say is, "But, aren't you GAY? I mean, you work here!".

Apparently, he wasn't. When Rodzilla had finished peeing/masturbating, Pokie said he would strip down in a cabin for me... for free. Talkin' about a special treatment! So, I left Rod alone at the table and proceeded to the minuscule, crassy wooden cabin. Right away, he gave me an in-depth mouthwash with his tongue while getting undressed. Seeing him from that close, I realized that he was the worst dancer on stage and thought, "Damn girl, get outta here!".

He called a few times after that unfortunate cabin fun, but I never answered. Seriously, who would want to go out with a guy who not only is a nude dancer in the Village, but who's bad at it?

I mean, compared to him, Occupation Double's Jimmy is a living god.