First of all, lemme start my article by asking you if you noticed the very evident sexual innuendo I just made in the title? Well, that's very me, I know the three of us (Terrine, Fabulous Andy and I) might sound extremely naughty but in fact, we are and that's what makes us so wonderful.
Okay so this time I'll try not to be so long and exhaustive, let me talk y'all into my shit: Old Fantasies. Yep, that is correct, sex fantasies, whether they're cheesy, spooky or violent, regardless of their nature, they have to be! Just ask Fabulous Andy about it 'sti! She now knows way too well that without a sex life in the bedroom, nothing's going to go anywhere. That is why I have the ultimate best piece of advice: don't repeal your fantasies, make them cum alive, literally.
Remember that obsession you had on that guy in High School (who had the nicest ass you've ever seen), God knows (and accepts) the fact that you would be willing to give away your two kidneys just to fuck him. Well for Christ’s sakes, y'all need to listen to some old-school Mariah Carey hits like "Make It Happen"! Remind yourself of the line where she says "you can make it, make it happen", well that's exactly what I want you to do! Force yourself into it and never even think of the eventuality of regrets. You shouldn't have any; regrets are for losers, real people would always be willing to rebuild New Orleans for the umpteenth time. Your sex life is just like the land under Louisiana’s metropolis; it can sink below sea level at any given time! Neva take it for granted sistaz! Therefore, will you please raise your fucking skirt! This is mainly the opposite of what Janice Dickinson (the self-proclaimed World’s first supermodel) would say and I know that, but I think skirts are like standards; they’re meant to be high.
Basically, I wanted to write this column for all the boring bitches living in Nebraska, Oklahoma, ARKANSAS and Alabama who’ll pass their whole lives seeking for a stinking smelly bastard, JC Penney, creationism and apple pies à la mode (btw that’s the correct way to write à la mode, take notes). I want all of you to please, pretty please, cum to reality: we’re in 2010, gays are (supposedly) not prosecuted anymore, blacks have the same rights as whites, the earth is polluted, straight men don’t go to university anymore and women are becoming more and more powerful. So will you ever understand it and take benefit out of it?!
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