Fabulous Andy: My Last Post

The following is to indicate the end of my commitment towards this blog.

One of the members seems unable to cooperate in everyday life; therefore, it will be impossible for me to continue writing in a blog "administrated" in a cheesy fashion.

Long live honesty, love and true friendship.

Fabulous Andy

Rodzilla: Rainbows, Butterflies, Unicorns, Charmbracelets and Glitter!

So my goal with this article is to demonstrate to you how cheesy I am.

As you might have noticed, I’m a big fan of Mariah Carey and as you probably know, she’s the cheesiest human being to have ever walked on this earth. That’s when I come along; because I’m very close to my cheesy side and am humble enough to acknowledge my taste for the tacky. I have bad taste when it comes to movies, clothes, restaurants and clubs and I might even add my friends but they would be well too offended! I like things that stand out, that scream which imply that it might be in a negative and loud, foolish way. That being said, it could all be due to the fact that I’m extravagant and don’t like gnarly, meaningless people trying to accommodate their personalities to fit into society’s pre-manufactured moulds.

The same applies for when I’m dating. I don’t like insignificant bastards who have nothing to say and brag about everything they do as if it were impressing. Even when you have incurred impressing achievements, you don’t need to point it out in an arrogant way that makes you seem narcissistic. Nobody likes that, especially me plus the only people who like to date douchebags like that must be deprived from self-esteem. I do have to concede that I have dated obnoxious morons in the past (or had one night-stands with them) but I am now looking forward to a new chapter in my life : a sweet’N cheesy, old-fashioned RELATIONSHIP. Yes, you read correctly. I am not truly like Samantha from “Sex und die Stadt”; I do want to be committed into a respectful yet meaningful relationship. I have a craving to fall in love again! Because it’s true; even though openly claiming that you want to devote yourself into a serious relationship sounds cliché, I am being honest plus I want to specify that I want to be in a relationship that relies on love, passion and respect, not whoring out nor attention and affection-filling. I’m all about tough and truthful love so I would never commit to a guy that I don’t love or don’t feel anything for. He needs to give me butterflies if he wants me to yield myself to him.

That’s why for my next relationship, I want it to be picture-perfect; filled with rainbows, butterflies, unicorns, charmbracelets and GLITTER! It ought to be like a Mariah Carey album; full of honey, cheesy delusions and melodious sounds. I want it to bring me low like basso profundo and then sky-high like coloratura soprano. I’m no longer superficial looking for the guy with the edgiest features, perfect body, bone structure and flawless complexion. Nor am I looking for the dude that is most likely to become famous, rich or admired by everyone. I want a man’s man that’ll be my man. And I want to be his man’s man. D’ya understand?!

While waking up alongside Terrine this morning (we’ve had a terrible night of drinking and stuff and went to bed at 7 am), we chatted about relationships and shit and she said she believes she’ll never be able to be faithful to her boyfriend. Even though I have been promiscuous and volatile in the past, I seek that no more. And I know I could be faithful if I were deeply in love. I’d be willing to make sacrifices and give it my all. While philosophising on the latter, I realized that not only do I want a boyfriend; I also want a close friend. By that I mean I’d like my hubby to do justice to both meanings of the initials b.f.: boyfriend and best friend. I’d like each other to confide and confess to the other and be at ease. I want a guy who has a sense of humour and is humble yet who knows his own worth, has ambitions, strive to succeed and reach for new goals. Most important of all, he needs to be willing to commit himself to me too since it has to come both ways.

After all the experience and tremendous adventures that I’ve had, I have learned and understood so much about relationship and thus, myself since I am the main protagonist of my stories. I have come to accept myself the way I am, know my defects, my weaknesses and my strength. I think the most relevant thing to accomplish before daydreaming about a relationship is to learn how to love your own self since you are your own life companion, from birth to death. Like RuPaul would say: “if you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gon’ love somebody else?” Can I get an Amen on that?



 

Fabulous Andy's favourite soundtrack... NOT!

Fabulous Andy: Gifts, Ahoy!

I hope you all had a very nice Christmas. In our case, we're back to business!

Our consumerism era makes us filled with gifts at this time of the year, doesn't it? As much as some people would restrain themselves from shopping too much and getting a big fat credit card bill, there always is this pressure to give more and more, even if it's all materialistic things for the most part.

There also is a certain pressure to "match" what the other person gave you, or to give something of an equal value. It's happened before in my case, and believe me, seeing a disappointed face is not cool.

You get the gift from the other, blush when you open it, 'cause you're thinking: "&*%(&?%(*#, my gift is gonna suck balls." Then, the other opens your gift and says a nice "Thanks..." while thinking of what-a-cheap-fucking-bastard-you-are. It only lasts a moment, but it some resentment can come out of this.

In any case, communication is the key, but most of all: go to retail stores. You'll get good-looking gifts and brand names for less, and you'll all get them all sayin': Damnnnn, homie, where dya get that?

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Speaking of gifts, Rodzilla and Terrine got me a nice little - ahem, big - bra and a matching pantie. The bra is real pretty, but it's HUGE. It isn't only padded once, it's padded twice! Like, an inch and a half of padding, no kidding!

I honestly look like I have boobs when I wear it...

St-Lawrence: The Sick Turkey

Hi everyone! Just in case you were wondering what is going on lately, well.... I got sick yesterday... I got struck down by a gastric flu... yeah you are right lil' Jimmy.....very nice!

So I basically spent my Tuesday sleeping, not eating and watching movies. It was quite nice in the morning, since I had time to relax, even though I would have prefered to do so otherwise. But in the middle of the afternoon, I got bored. It is pain in the ass being at home, lonely and sick. You have no motivation to do anything else than sleeping on the couch (which include sexual desires... and it takes me hell of a good reason to push my sexual thoughts away :P) and I felt so weak since I didn't eat in 18 hours.

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As Christmas is knocking at our doors, (OOOH Yeah I'm using the term 'Christmas', not 'Holiday Season'... so get used to it newcomers, because we celebrate Christmas HERE in Quebec since ever... So I'll call it Christmas if I Freakin' want to call it Christmas!... no offense) I'd like you to have a little thought for people who will go through illness during this time of the year. It most be difficult to be isolated and sick in an hospital or at home, while everyone else is partying and enjoying a good time.

So PLEASE be generous toward people you love and tell them how much you do love them... because you never know what the new year has in store for you.

P.S. It could be a good new year resolution to give either time or money to charity or to an organization that is important for you.

Rodzilla: It's Showtime

Geez! Can you believe that Karl Lagerfeld's latest whore protégé, Baptiste Giabiconi is about to release a studio album?! Like okay dude, you became a successful model and stuff but can you really sing?! If you ask me, I think his voice is remastered and the whole tune and mix sounds oh-so-studio-pre-manufactured. The video is quite hot (obviously, Baptiste is smoking hot) but hey, the guy really can't speak any English! I litteraly fell off my chair when I heard the "hey man, waz rogne wiz you" line for the first time!!! Those goddamn Frenchies, they're so inhibited. Even though I like to make fun of Baptiste, I have to admit that he's got a lot of chances to become my future husband ;-)!

I think we all agree that the main reason for uncle Karl's male models' success is the fact that they sleep with him. Karl himself said in an interview that he finds male models annoying but that when he finds one attractive and nice to work with, he can't get enough of him:

The original video was in Deutsch but as y'all germans didn't surf our blog that much, I felt like posting the English translation so that most of the readers (and my three other fellow bloggers) will be able to understand it! Oh I have to say that I really like the fact that uncle Karl is so moody, inconvenient and seems to have a harsh temper! He makes me think of my friend's french grandma who's crazy and lives in Atlanta, GA!!! I met her 2 years ago and will never be able to forget her, uncle Karl is there to remind me of her :-P! I think that when I'll be old, I'll probably be just like Karl; made out of plastic, rude and having sex with younger men. How fabulous?!

--> By looking at the "Beauty of Violence" Artwork by Chanel's guru, one might find it frightening and odd but hey, this is the Fashion World; it's so fucked up and intriguing at the same time! 



"The Beauty of Violence"



--> Oh Christ, I wish I had the will to stop eating chocolate cookies, cakes, muffins, brownies and stuffed crust Pizzas. I wish I were just as tone, fit and tight than Baptiste!!! He's got a "corps de va chier"! Translation: His body is so hot that I just wanna tell him: "burn in hell", and all of this because of course, I'm jealous!

Rodzilla: Musical Discoveries

If you go ask any of my friends or relatives or even just one of my new Undergrad buddies, they'll all tell you that the music I listen to sucks. But as I don't give a rat's ass about what people think of my MP3's music library, I continue to listen to the same ol' thangs. I have to say I'm pretty cheesy and love to listen to '90s bad gangsta rap, Divas' music (like Mariah Carey, Twittney and C'Lyn of course), Electronica, Candy Pop, Jazz (on Saturday nights; I don't even have the choice, my dad obliges us to listen to Diana Krall and Norah Jones all the time) or even Christmas anthems. I have to admit it: I don't listen to a lot of Rock even though it can be good. I like to dance so I need something groovy and horny. Girlicious suits me lol!

Anyways, enough blabla, I will now introduce you to my new DaDa: Natalie Portman's Shaved Head. And no, I'm not talking about her actual shaved head, but about the Seattle-based Indie Rock band which I discovered during my last trip to Seattle last March. I was sad to hear that they changed their band name though. It's now called "Brite Futures", how boring? They've probably got sued by Natalie Portman herself! Their music is ecstatic; it's raunchy, offers a wide variety of sexual innuendos, is danceable and is uptempo. Their vocals are great and everybody who knows them will tell you they're awesome in concert. So here are some of their songs, including my favourite "Bedroom Costume". Remember that joint since it relates to my next article to be posted this week: "End-of-the-Street Dude" (self publicity).

The song that substantiates this fixation that we have us men regarding our beards and our hairy shortcomings, "Beard Lust":

The very catchy "Hush Hush":

The "No Doubt" reminiscent, "Holding Hands in the Shower":

St-Lawrence: Quick! Do Something Manly!

As our intro says, I'm the only straight dude in da place. Therefore, I have a role to play in this blog, so that its level of virility won't ever be compromised. And what is manlier than manly commercials featuring manly men during Superbowl half-time while eating nachos? There's none! So here's my top 5 Men approuved commercials!

WOUUUUHOUUU!!!!! Ya heard!!!!

#5 Eat that chocolate bar Johnny!

#4 Smell like a man, or die like a boy

#3 Cuz we don't eat pussy meals (except for real pussy)

#2 No pain, no gain!

#1 POOOOOOWWWEEEEERRR



Rodzilla: Nigga Please!!!

I know it sounds racist but hell, it’s not!

Since I was a child, I have never been scared or felt awkward when in presence of black people. That is, even though I used to be a typical blond-haired (I’m more dark blond now), blue-eyed little French-Canadian boy surrounded by a conservative extended family. Nobody in my family was black or even had foreign origins but I never felt threatened in any way even if people have all sorts of prejudice and racist slurs against other “races”.

I guess having been raised in a multi-cultural background helped. But deep inside I know that my interest for black people comes from a much more spiritual purpose: my mom had a relationship with a black Haitian man before going out with my dad. Can you believe it? I coulda been black! I think that woulda been hot; I would probably be more built, have longer legs, nappy hair, big lips, HUGE COCK (lolz), plump ass (wait, I already have that!) and edible, chocolate skin.

Even if I do acknowledge white beauty, I can’t help but be fascinated by black beauties. This involves both men and women. Just take a quick look at hot Nubians like cell-thrower Naomi Campbell, sexy jock Tyson Beckford, über-heiss model Jessica White, bootylicious Beyoncé, curvaceous Halle Berry or even hottie Will Smith. I think we can all agree that Black people usually have hot bodies and booties!!! Everybody knows that Blacks are more toned, have rounder butts and often showcase heavier lordosis.

I generally find Black people more enthusiastic, funny and cheerful than us, Whites! The funniest people I’ve ever met were almost all black! And all of the wildest traveling adventures that Fabulous Andy and I have had involved Black people around! I think it’s important to have “street cred” and to have a “ghetto fab” attitude when you’re black. It enhances the power y’all have! :-P. I promise you that if I ever adopt or employ a surrogate mother and end up fathering female twins, I’ll call them Shanigua and Shacoya!

Gotta love y’all black brothers and sistaz! When looking at my exterior shell, you might qualify me as Ivory, but trust me: deep inside everything is Ebony.



Cell-thrower Naomi Campbell

Edible 90% Cacao Tyson Beckford

Sehr sexy Frau Jessica White

Terrine: Love.

Love.  There's nothing else I have to say!

Fabulous Andy: All About (Old) Melons and Bananas

After a hot night in the St. Lawrence river, we wondered: why is getting married automatically associated with scarce sexual intercourse?

Sex is a lot of fun, but some people take their relationship for granted as soon as they have a ring on their finger. "Oh, of COURSE, we enjoy our intimacy, but we would rather play Scrabble with our newly-married neighbors. Isn't that right, honey?" Then the husband grunts and accepts to play Scrabble, knowing that he might spend the night watching porn to make up for his "nice evening".

I mean, this doesn't apply only to married couples, but also to couples that just abandoned the mere thought of having fun in bed because... they've gotten so used to one another. How can anyone be sexually attracted to his or her second half is they have a conversation while one is shaving and the other one is shitting in the same bathroom? They might save up some time trying to do that, but is this what we call everlasting love?

A friend was recently telling me about how her boyfriend and her have been together for approximately four years.

*Me: Geez, how do you manage to do that?

*Her: Dunno, we're so used to each other, I get insecure when I think of leaving him.

*Me: Wouldn't you want to give it a try? Maybe you would be happier with someone else!

A bit later...

*Me: How are things going, sexually speaking?

*Her: I can't ask too much from him... he's often tired.

Exasperated, I let her in her fantasy world of getting eventually married with him and having a kid, but I honestly think getting "used" to a partner to the extent where sex happens monthly is unacceptable.

People can let go of passion and bubbly love, but never should sex be left behind in order to look at the other person shit. Ever.

St-Lawrence: The Roar of the Cougars

Have you ever heard of a game called ‘MILF Hunting’? It’s basically that sport played by young men who want to have some experimented sex with a woman about 15 to 20 years older than them. I don’t judge them. It’s true that sometimes young girls who don’t have a large sex background are sometimes as fun to hump as baby dolls. But personally, I don’t see myself MILF Hunting, even with the hottest mom I could have. I’m not saying it won’t ever happen (never say never in life; it brings bad luck.. god damn I just said it... anyway... stop reading at the asides... look at the text you dumbasses = P )… but the odds are pretty much against it.

The thing is that even if I’m not playing this game… I’ve always been part of it in its soft inverse version. MOMS LOVE ME! I don’t know if this is related to the fact that I’m a big, blond and blue eyed gentleman, but I’ve always been in the good graces of my friends’ moms. Even if some of my buddies would say that I can be brown nose, I’d rather say that I’m polite, flattering and respectful toward older people, and specially with ladies. It’s not flirting; it’s decorum. Problem is...; it appears to me that some seem to have great pleasure in "crossing the boundaries".

Do not jump quickly to conclusions, I’m not suggesting that they all want to kidnap me and attach my hands and feet to a bed in their husbands' dead zone. But I don’t know… I just feel my privacy violated sometimes by their stares. My mother once caught a bunch of 40 years old mature talking about my buttocks while I was on a baseball field playing 3rd base. As a third baseman, I always have to bend my knees a little and kick my ass back; it’s a baseball basic position to be ready if a ball comes to me…not a free invitation to your depraved eyes madam.

I’m not a piece of meat. I’m a man. I got feelings. I love to entertain you mature ladies, but my wiener heart goes to your daughters. I’m a good friend for your children, and that’s all! But know that I still appreciate you though for all you’ve done for us = your kids. I’ll always be there to enjoy the meals you cooked for me and to listen to your interesting conversations about life, which make me laugh (like your cheezy anecdotes about my friends' childhood) and think some of the time.

Moms rock, but they simply never gonna rock my bed.