Terrine: Love.

Love.  There's nothing else I have to say!

Fabulous Andy: All About (Old) Melons and Bananas

After a hot night in the St. Lawrence river, we wondered: why is getting married automatically associated with scarce sexual intercourse?

Sex is a lot of fun, but some people take their relationship for granted as soon as they have a ring on their finger. "Oh, of COURSE, we enjoy our intimacy, but we would rather play Scrabble with our newly-married neighbors. Isn't that right, honey?" Then the husband grunts and accepts to play Scrabble, knowing that he might spend the night watching porn to make up for his "nice evening".

I mean, this doesn't apply only to married couples, but also to couples that just abandoned the mere thought of having fun in bed because... they've gotten so used to one another. How can anyone be sexually attracted to his or her second half is they have a conversation while one is shaving and the other one is shitting in the same bathroom? They might save up some time trying to do that, but is this what we call everlasting love?

A friend was recently telling me about how her boyfriend and her have been together for approximately four years.

*Me: Geez, how do you manage to do that?

*Her: Dunno, we're so used to each other, I get insecure when I think of leaving him.

*Me: Wouldn't you want to give it a try? Maybe you would be happier with someone else!

A bit later...

*Me: How are things going, sexually speaking?

*Her: I can't ask too much from him... he's often tired.

Exasperated, I let her in her fantasy world of getting eventually married with him and having a kid, but I honestly think getting "used" to a partner to the extent where sex happens monthly is unacceptable.

People can let go of passion and bubbly love, but never should sex be left behind in order to look at the other person shit. Ever.

St-Lawrence: The Roar of the Cougars

Have you ever heard of a game called ‘MILF Hunting’? It’s basically that sport played by young men who want to have some experimented sex with a woman about 15 to 20 years older than them. I don’t judge them. It’s true that sometimes young girls who don’t have a large sex background are sometimes as fun to hump as baby dolls. But personally, I don’t see myself MILF Hunting, even with the hottest mom I could have. I’m not saying it won’t ever happen (never say never in life; it brings bad luck.. god damn I just said it... anyway... stop reading at the asides... look at the text you dumbasses = P )… but the odds are pretty much against it.

The thing is that even if I’m not playing this game… I’ve always been part of it in its soft inverse version. MOMS LOVE ME! I don’t know if this is related to the fact that I’m a big, blond and blue eyed gentleman, but I’ve always been in the good graces of my friends’ moms. Even if some of my buddies would say that I can be brown nose, I’d rather say that I’m polite, flattering and respectful toward older people, and specially with ladies. It’s not flirting; it’s decorum. Problem is...; it appears to me that some seem to have great pleasure in "crossing the boundaries".

Do not jump quickly to conclusions, I’m not suggesting that they all want to kidnap me and attach my hands and feet to a bed in their husbands' dead zone. But I don’t know… I just feel my privacy violated sometimes by their stares. My mother once caught a bunch of 40 years old mature talking about my buttocks while I was on a baseball field playing 3rd base. As a third baseman, I always have to bend my knees a little and kick my ass back; it’s a baseball basic position to be ready if a ball comes to me…not a free invitation to your depraved eyes madam.

I’m not a piece of meat. I’m a man. I got feelings. I love to entertain you mature ladies, but my wiener heart goes to your daughters. I’m a good friend for your children, and that’s all! But know that I still appreciate you though for all you’ve done for us = your kids. I’ll always be there to enjoy the meals you cooked for me and to listen to your interesting conversations about life, which make me laugh (like your cheezy anecdotes about my friends' childhood) and think some of the time.

Moms rock, but they simply never gonna rock my bed.

Rodzilla: Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2010

Hey Hey Hey, Hope you won't forget tomorrow's the night!

Indeed, it is the broadcast of the ultimately-awaited annual Victoria's Secret Fashion Show!

How hot? You can be sure that I'll be tuning in :P! It will be broadcast on CBS and ABC across North America and many different TV Channels across the Globe. This year's Fantasy Bra model is the über-caliente and mother of one, Brazilian Adriana Lima. She will be wearing a 2 million dollar bra! I will give you an avant-goût of what you will be seeing tomorrow with this "sneak-peak" video:

Up next: Victoria's Secret Angels' Lipdub on Katy Perry's new single "Firework", it's such a nice editing, I think it should be promoted as an alternative music video for her song!



--> In the video are Chanel Iman, Alessandra Ambrosio, Adriana Lima, Candice Swanepoel, Erin Heatherton, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Behati Prinsloo.

-->I have to say that despite my admiration for those new models, I really miss the real supermodels such as Gisele Bündchen, Ana Beatriz Barros (the hottest chick on earth), Naomi Campbell, Tyra Banks, Heidi Klum, Oluchi Onweagba, Jessica White, Noémie Lenoir, Karen Mulder, Carmen Kass, Liya Kebede, Doutzen Kroes and so many more!!! I feel like the new models aren't that memorable! I'm not saying that they're all boring or plain but I'm not that intrigued about them. I feel like their "pâtés" are not as tasty as their counterparts' from the '90s heydays.

Fabulous Andy: The Most Useless Sex Ever

Rodzilla's small penis contest post actually made me think of a funny anecdote that happened roughly two years ago.

I had just entered college and had ditched some weird dude I was dating because I had spotted another dude that I'll call Twinky for now. In addition to being nice and good-looking, he loved to make out in public places such as the school's library. A lovely way to keep him excited during a sociology class, ladies...

After some sexy talking on MSN, we decided to meet up at his place to watch a movie ... that was never finished. Strangely enough, my clothes always seem to get taken away when watching TV alone with a guy. I decided to do the same, so I stripped him and wished I had never went to the dude's place. 

IT WAS SO SMALL!

What was I supposed to do, get dressed and hurry outside in Montreal's middle of nowhere? Point at it and laugh? Cry? Of course not. He remained a friend anyways, so I shut my mouth and pretended I actually felt something. I had never faked, but believe me, I had to. I just had to. I mean, I didn't watch those cheesy porno movies for nothing because they taught me how to fake it when you can't feel it!

Seriously, watching small penises on YouTube might be amusing, but getting naked then realizing the guy you're about to have sex with has a small ding-dong is so akward. You can't refuse to do it, you can't tell him upfront, you can't laugh. Anything you will do will be severely judged and the dude might end up having a bad self-esteem/being sex-deprived/committing suicide.

So ladies, please touch the outside of the pants to see if he has a boner. You wouldn't want to be stripping for... nothing at all!

St-Lawrence: Silicon Valley, CubA

I had a little nostalgia last week while watching my Facebook videos.

Last year, I enjoyed a one week vacation trip in an all-included Cuban hotel with 3 of my best men and a couple of friends. I had such a good time, enjoying the Tres S’s: sand, sun and sex (not to mistake with the three S's).

One of the best souvenirs I got was the two hours we spent every single night after dinner at the show. There was always a contest at the beginning of it and, as the showman that I am… I had to participate every time I had the chance to! Basically, I spent half of the time half naked because of a stupid ‘what’s the song?’ contest; every time I was wrong, I had to take off a piece of cloth, and I think alcohol has bad effects on my ears… because my answers were erroneous 2 times out of 3. Once, I also had to make a striptease to one of my friends! But that same night…My friend wasn’t the only one who noticed my showman talents.

Later on that night (the third of the week), there was a tourist girl (a Quebeccer) who ran into me at the bar. She said that she really liked what she saw on the stage and that she liked guys that are outgoing and don’t have inhibitions… I do have little, but con Ron…there’s nothing I can do about it! So I actually spent the night at the bar and the Discoteca ‘La Vida Loca’ with her… and I have to say; she was really hot. However, she looked too much of a superficial girl, which is not my type. But the thing is that, while I was in Cuba, I liked the fact that guys in the club were jealous of my ‘catch of the day’. Plus, she was wearing a shirt… I always found sexy good looking girls wearing shirts (especially mine…)

So after I dried the bar out of Cuba Libre, we went back to my hotel room (thanks to my roommate who had lost his key card and was sleeping in my other friends’ room) to enjoy myself ourselves. SO HERE’S THE POINT OF THE TITLE ----> As I was taking off her bra (which was obviously hiding things that my hands, despite their length, couldn’t even handle)... it hit me: She had FAKE boobs!

As the little chubby pervert who used to have threesomes with both his hands every night as only sexual favor when I was a teenager… I never thought I would have said so before but… I didn’t like it. I mean her breasts were as solid as my pipes. No bullshit. They didn’t have the flexibility and the softness that make boobs so nice to feel, touch and…play with. And I can’t even tell if she was feeling anything I was doing to them. So what’s the point?

So here’s my advice for you girls… fake boobs are bad… It’s mass murdering, genocide, Großdeutsches Reich . That girl was 18 btw… so how low must have been her self-esteem to make such a decision at such a young age. I love natural gurls. The girls that take care of their bodies by dancing or doing sports… not under Dr. Boobs von Wrinkles bistouris and Mr. Spray Tan UVs. I mean who cares if you have small tits…You have the opportunity to show your brain and personnality to men instead of your Twins… be proud of it. You’ll get rid of Douchebags and keep the good guys in your bed.

My name is St-Lawrence and I love A and B cups, as long as they fit with your body 'pâté' type (but cute eyes and face will always be prerequisites, regardless of the melons)!

P.S. I’m stricter on the booty though! = p

Rodzilla: Men Pattern Baldness

I’m writing this down as I got a hair transplant yesterday.

First I need to talk you into my obsession with hair loss. My hair started falling when I was 16 years old!!! That’s very premature. It pissed me off so much. It annoyed me even more since I never had a much defined frontal hairline. I felt like I was going bald right away. That being said, I was already balding in the diagonal areas of my forehead at 17 at my High School Prom.

I decided to undergo hair transplant because I wanted to erase the negative effects that this balding had had on me and I’m looking forward to keep it up this way until my mid-thirties. I mean who cares about hair when you’re 70? But when you’re 20, it’s another story.

I’m sure a lot of people might feel like I’m a superficial person –which might actually be the case- but in this situation I think my obsession almost made sense. Let’s face it: about two-thirds of men start balding or are balding after 60 years old which showcases well the fact that it is a widely-spread problem. The thing is approximately 25% of men start balding around 20 years old. And I guess God decided I was gonna be included in the 25%! How shitty! Anyways, after researching and reading about the matter, I found some preventing and mending treatments to both stop the loss and reverse the effects to make the hair grow back.

I guess a lot of you have heard of Rogaine, which is the most utilized treatment for male baldness; it is made with minoxidil and can be efficient if you have minor hair loss. The hick is that it’s very expensive (around $70 CAN per month) and is quite gross to apply; you have to vaporize it directly on your hair and let it dry. Results have proved that Men’s Rogaine can prevent loss or help regrowth in 30 to 40% of the cases. This means it’s not that efficient!



Men's Rogaine



When I went to my first appointment with Dr. Chagnon, he told me that Propecia (made with Finasteride) was a lot more effective. Propecia stops hair loss in more than 60% of the cases. There’s just one problem coming along the way: it has REAL BAD side effects. Indeed, 1,1% to 18,5% of the men using it might experience impotence and 1,3% of the patients have erectile dysfunction. I have to say that even if I take it and am satisfied with the results, I’m GODDAMN SCARED of experiencing erectile dysfunctions!!! The doctor also told me that I might notice a diminution of my libido. I have to say that the latter is almost a benediction since I’m way too horny all the time!!!

Anyways, so enough “mise en contexte”, I’mma tell you how my hair transplant went.

First off, It seemed very exhaustive and long so I decided to bring DVDs to watch during the operation. I watched the über-cheesy “Into The Blue” which was very boring but had a lot of “sightseeing” with shirtless Paul Walker in almost all the scenes. I also watched half of “The Bodyguard” with Whitney Houston. Though not that painful, a hair transplant is incredibly long (it can take more than 5 hours) and implies a couple of not-so-cool experiences such as having your head skin pierced with thousands of needles and a 5 cm-long scar behind the head. I talked to the nurses all along the operation which entertained me. What’s so nice is that I got to examine my hair follicles under the microscope so that I could see my skin fat and Sebaceous glands.

Everything went on just fine so I’m currently recovering from it. My dear friends were there to support me yesterday after my surgery with St-Lawrence coming to the clinic and Terrine cooking salmon tartar for us. We also had sushis, can I ask for more? I don’t think so!



A case of hair transplant that resembles to mine



Rodzilla: Creepiest Contest Ever!!!

Okay this has to be one of the weirdest and most fucked-up contests known to mankind!!! Can you believe there's actually a "Mr. Small Penis International"???!!! I mean there's definitely no pride to have about having this kind of stub! I'm truthfully sorry but how could you make love or even have oral sex with such a tiny excrescence like that?! It looks more like a wart than anything else!

I found this vid via good ol' friend of mine who sent me the link and Gosh! I hope she doesn't have a secret passion for micro-penises!!!

--> I actually feel bad for those men! Plus they're being ridiculated by the judges of the competition!

1st Annual Small Penis Contest
envoyé par Babar007. - L'info internationale vidéo.

Concurso de pinto pequeno from mrware on Vimeo.

Terrine: XXXmas Gifts for Straight Friends!

As some of you may have noticed, I started a series of articles yesterday by posting the top five christmas gifts for gay friends!  As only 10% of the population is gay, I know that everyone doesn't have a gay friend, this is why I propose you today's top five christmas gifts for straight friends or straight boyfriends. (Everyone has a straight friend or a straight boyfriend! Duh!)

So let's start with:

#5- A six-pack beer holster belt!

Men <3 Beer!  What else to say?!?

Why that? ... easy one!  Because any man who pretends to be a straight man should love beer! And the little army design of the belt is very MALE!

#4- A GIANT tabasco bottle!

I always swallow your sauce! Time of revenge... swallow that spicy sauce!

Mens just have this thing for hot sauce; they think it's very male to be able to drink shooters of vodka/tabasco!  Girls think it's just dumb, but however... it's not a list of gifts for girls!  Improve your boyfriend's testosterone with a hot gift like this and be sure to have a hot night waiting for you!

#3- A Sport Illustrated Subscription for the year.

I still don't understand why this magazine is called "SPORTS" illustrated!

It should be more like: "MELONS" illustrated of "Gisele Bundchen almost naked" Illustrated

Let's face it: Men love to stare at nude (or almost nude) women... You'll seem like a cool girlfriend or girl friend if you give this to your man.  

#2- A paintball gun... but then you should get one too!

Great excuse to have a sexy shower with your companion... ;)

#1- A FleshLight.... you mean flashlight... no, a fleshlight!

It's exactly what you think it is:
A place where bananas get peeled.

You'll understand that this is truly a buddy for your straight FRIEND!  Don't give that to your boyfriend, you may regret it!... What if he dumps you for the fleshlight?!?!  Haha :P



That's it for the straight friends gifts...


If you want to know WHAT NOT TO GIVE TO A STRAIGHT FRIEND follow this link!... http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5979982/the_5_worst_holiday_or_christmas_gifts.html?cat=46

Terrine: XXXmas Gifts for Gay Friends!

If you go on eBay today you'll see the "days till Xmas Countdown"... As I know everyone is stressing out to make sure they find the rights gifts for friends, lover(S), family, etc.  I'm going to give you some suggestions during the week!  Let's start with...

My top five XXXmas gifts for a gay friend:

5-  A Sexy Santa Claus Costume (SSCC)... not very original but always funny!... and sexy! haha

Oops we're under the mistletoe!... Let's have a juicy kiss!

4- A Naughty Animal... just like Rodzilla's Dog.  It always wants to fuck!!! 

Woof!

3- Mariah Carey's new Christmas album!

All I want for Christmas i-iii-i-is yoOoOoOoOoOoOoOuUuUuUuUuU...
(trying to write the way she screams when she sings!!)

2- A poster of my younger brother Chad White nude.

I'm dreaming of a "WHITE" Christmas! Hohoho

1- A FCKH8 T-shirt

... Actually it's the only serious gift you should give to your gay friend.  Those t-shirts are for an organization that supports gay marriages in the USA!  ( http://fckh8.com/ )

Hope you enjoyed it... Tomorrow's gonna be another Top five!

St-Lawrence: Jon Lajoie: Regular, Everyday, Normal Guy

This guy is a legend! Every video he has shot made me Laugh My Fucking Ass Off! Jon Lajoie was born in MTL (he went to Dawson college!) and is now well known all across America thanks to his hilarious videos on Youjizz Youtube. You may also know him as MC Vagina or the Regular, Everyday, Normal guy. He also makes stand-up comic shows in both Canada and the USA. So if he ever performs on a scene next to your place... don't miss the opportunity to see this living god of humour!

Jon's "Pop Song"

His Hands Commercial:

 

"[He] Kill[s] People":

BTW he has just released his second album... available on iTunes.

Rodzilla: Danish Pastry II

There are a few things that went bananas during my five-day trip to Copenhagen; starting with the sauna, then I wanted to feed my growing appetite for sex (not for food, trust me; everything was expensive and plain) so I thought of another way to fulfill it.

That was pretty much the worst idea of my life; I went out taking a walk at midnight at ørstedsparken, a notable park for its gay scene. I was walking quite peacefully when I realized that a creepy fuck was following me since a few minutes, I got nervous and as I terribly needed to pee, I thought it would be bright to go lock myself in the park’s public restrooms to evacuate while he’d get lost.

Agrandir le plan

Gosh was I dumb to think so! He followed me to these secluded dark washrooms and stayed in while I tried to do a number one. I was so scared that he was a murderer or just some sort of mentally-ill creep with a fixed idea of getting me as dinner. I couldn’t pee and didn’t want to wait too long as I was getting more and more stressed out about the whole situation so I got out of the john real quick, ran outside and left the park in a hurry. No misfortune happened and I’m so thankful! Just imagine having to deal with some sort of crap like that while traveling by yourself in a foreign country without anyone you know!

On my last day in Denmark, I went at a local café to lunch and rest, and met this cute local Danish boy called Kristian. I found him very attractive with his blond hair, light blue eyes, summer tan, cold Danish attitude, square jaw and rough accent. I chatted with him for almost an hour and had a good time. Before walking out, I handed him my email address and so did he with his. I told him we could be pen pals so that next time I’d go to Denmark, I could save my pesos. I then once again naïvely thought something could have happened out of it but nothing materialized.

I need to mention that even if this article sounds like I’m dissing Copenhagen, I quite enjoyed it and felt like it was exotic, special and cool. The city is very pretty and has a lot of historic backgrounds that are rich and rewarding. I particularly enjoyed the harbour, Kastellet, Christianshavn, Kongens Nytorv, the Danish Royal House, Ny Havn, the Vor Frelsers Kirke, Amager Strand Park, the beach in Klampenborg and so much more! My biggest disappointment wasn’t even my misadventures with the Danes themselves (of course not, they’re hot ;-)) but mainly the absence of “The Little Mermaid” statue in the harbour which was in China for the whole length of the Shanghai Expo.

Rodzilla: Danish Pastry

As previously mentioned in one of my September articles, "Danske Invasion", I went to Denmark and Sweden (and other countries) last summer.

First off, I need to tell you how randy I was about going there! It’s been such a long time since I fantasized about visiting the Vikings and their bodies countries :-P! I actually went to Copenhagen and this, on my own since Fabulous Andy didn’t want to accompany me up North as she felt it seemed “excremely boring”. May sound lonesome and boring to some of you, but as for myself, I was über-ecstatic to finally get a piece of Nordic blonds’ ass.

Before I go into intimate details with this story, I need to contextualize the situation I was in when I landed on Copenhagen’s Kastrup Lufthavn’s tarmac: I had stayed on my own in flawless Amsterdam for the last five days and had had Dutch “sightseeing” which eventually led to my burning desire to have raunchy garage sex. I had resisted going out chasing beasts or popping it wild at nearby saunas which left me greedy and thus, needy. While on the plane (at 8h30 fucking AM), I was feeling tired but yet truthfully excited to be about to land in “Northern Sex Haven”.

I arrived in Copenhagen two hours later and the weather was awfully shitty and cold compared to what I had benefited in Amsterdam. Nevertheless, I wasn’t disappointed when looking at hot “Great Danes”. It was more that I could handle and I knew it, that’s why I found the address of a sauna in Copenhagen’s micro-gaybourhood and planned to go there on my very first night. And that’s basically what I did but as naïve and unaware about what gay saunas implied, I simply thought that I could go there to “relax”, shower and bethink myself. The sauna was called the “Amigo Sauna” and is supposedly the most notorious sauna in Copenhagen and in Denmark. Here’s the Google Map link (in case you’re close to there and want to “sneak a peak”):

Agrandir le plan

and their website link: http://www.amigo-sauna.dk/ 

What astonishment was it to have been there less than five minutes and already be having pervert hands strolling down on me! I was actually in a “dark room” of a Finnish sauna and the “strolling pervert hands” were those of a 60-some old creepy fuck! I was so surprised, agitated and speechless that I just didn’t know how to react: I stood still, cold as ice (just like most Danes act all the time) and didn’t mutter a word. I handled it for a few seconds and then left the room.

I then wanted to go around the sauna to see how the rest of the installations were looking. There were something like three floors and the upper ones were sort of whorehouse-looking. It had kind of a creepy atmosphere; TV screens displayed everywhere with gay porn playing on them and plenty of small booths built to accommodate “flirting at its climax”. I quickly began to be horny and seek to copulate. I sashayed around all the hallways looking for the hottest piece of Dane I could find and hunt down one that appeared to be just fine. I invited him to join me and we started kissing and frolicking and stuff when I suddenly started feeling guilty and bad thinking about all the illnesses or viruses that I could catch in a place like that! And as I began worrying about it, God must have heard my discomfort because at that very moment, my nose went dry and ran with blood everywhere. I excused myself, went to the bathroom and wiped it until it stopped bleeding. And there it went: I told him I was feeling sick and weird and that I needed to go back to my (shitty) hotel and sleep. I never saw him again.

Fabulous Andy: Vamos a la Playa

Quebecers love going down south during the winter, especially in a place where no Americans are admitted: CUBA.

Rodzilla, Terrine and many other people, including myself, have been considering going to a cheap resort for a week after our university winter semester. Cuba might be an option, since the Dominican Republic is right next to Haiti's cholera epidemic.

That's too bad; when I went to the Dominican Republic two years ago, I had a blast. Male employees or vendors were constantly asking us to marry them, we could eat like pigs and pina coladas in the morning were quite common. We would wake up to wander on the beach, then go to bed at 3 a.m. after having had one (or two, or three or fifteen) too many cervezas... Priceless!

My best memory, of course, excluding discussing religion with an ex-drug-dealer preacher, is Luìs. He worked at the equipment hanger where he would rent stuff for fat-ass couples who pretend to do some sport together to compensate for their boring sex life. And so my friend and I went the the hanger to get a surfboard, but my good intentions flew away when I heard his raspy Spanish accent. Plus, he had golden eyes.

Who the HELL on Earth has golden eyes? Apparently, he does!

Luìs pretended to be the resort's dance teacher, which I believed. I found that so hot, in fact, that I had my legs spread open the day after... in the hanger. My friends were playing volleyball outside. I didn't want to play anyways, 'cause... I suck (at volleyball, you perverts).

This short adventure ended not long after due to my plane ticket. Of course, some promises were made, he said I was the love of his life and that we should keep contact. Mi amor, mi amor, bla, bla. I knew it was going to happen; therefore, I had prepared myself mentally to smile and tell him it wouldn't work out. I can barely speak Spanish, he could barely speak English. Communicating was an issue!

What do you guys think of girls who actually believe those guys? They may be muy caliente, but taking care of someone who can only sleep, eat and fuck in your homeland is a totally other story. I mean, they can go crazy over let's say fair-skinned women with blue eyes and blonde hair (such as myself), but they will soon realize that there are plenty of them here anyways!

I've heard some really nice stories about women who fell in love on a trip in a poorer country and that are now married and have kids. Things that happen down south must stay down south, in my opinion. Pictures of you drunk and naked in Cuba on Facebook is not an everyday situation, so "falling in love" with somebody you've known for 3 days is certainly not a lifetime option when it comes to paying bills!

Rodzilla: Cut The Shit

Lemme make it clear to you right away, this is and will be my most disgusting article EVER lol!!! I know, I know, you might be scared but hey, it's worth it.

So what I really wanna discuss here is when one is having a lil' problem with his rear end while on a date. What  I mean by this is when you're on a date (or a hook up) and everything is apparently going on just fine when suddenly pop! you feel your stomach gasping and reprimanding you for what you have just eaten. In most cases, we call this gases, in some moderate cases, it can occur as constipation but hey in severe cases, one can experience friggin' DIARRHEA on a date!!!!

That's gross and hell, I know it! I've actually had that issue when I was on a very stressful date three years ago. I had been seduced by an obnoxious, over-the-top diva called Jean-Charles who was everything but pleasant. The dude always called his buddies and well, everybody "Coco" but what was über-irritating was his complete non-sense of saying "Chaboom" to anything cool or nice that you'd say. I could barely stand it!

Anyways, I need to tell y'all that even if I wasn't truly interested about him, I nonetheless felt a lil' something about having been approached by him since he was quite good-looking and had a nice pâté (and a tight ass). Though I never thought even for one second that I could bear being called "Coco" and having to add "Chaboom" to my everyday slang. So as we were on our second shitty date -like, literally- we went shopping and as a cheap bastard than I am, didn't buy anything lol! He or I could almost say she, didn't buy anything either and acted like a Hollywood starlet all the time which made me feel bored and annoyed. As we were about to end our shit, we went to eat lunch at the Food court of a downtown mall. I had tortellini with rosé sauce and ate it faster than when a woman ovulates.

Thereafter, we started chatting about him (of course, in his book, he was so interesting and amazing) which bored the shit out of me and combined with the pastas, tossed the shit out of me. I quickly started having gases and had the worst stomachache ever. I think they'd grade up for a 10 on the Richter scale haha! The worst part of the story is that I think he noticed my internal digestion. In this kind of situation, St-Lawrence would say "cut the crap" as he likes to quote that in order to finish something as quick as possible. But in this case, I really needed to "cut the shit" as I needed to evacuate my guts out. I excused myself, went to the bathroom and shitted for like 45 minutes!!!!!!!! Afterwards, when I came back to the table he said "man that was long"! I lied and said I had gotten lost trying to find the restrooms! Our date ended a few minutes after and we never met together again!

Furthermore, if y'all need to poop on a date, end it up before shitting. Find an excuse to simply withdraw from the date instead of going to the bathroom for hours and coming back to your date with a shitty excuse. You should literally, cut the shit and leave. Especially if you're a gay man or a lesbian since your mate can accompany you to the same bathroom! Plus please, please, pretty PLEASE, don't have sex if you have haemorrhoids or diarrhea; CHILD, THAT'S NASTY!!!

I'll end up in beauty with a lovely picture that I found on the net that best expresses what laxative food and drinks such as Coke can make you experience: